I rant about movies. You will read it and like it!

     Hello to the internet and all you people wasting your time on it! My name is Jake Mendenhall, author of this newly establish and spiffy blog that Google helped me to create! Google is magical, isn't it?

     Anyway! If the title wasn't a dead giveaway, this nice blog is titled, "Critfilms: Movie Rants for people like you." It took me a good five minutes to think of that name... *wipes dust off shoulder* Ever since I was a small child, I've always been fascinated by movies...and sharks... and dinosaurs...Don't judge me. As I have grown over the years, films have become a special part of my life. I've almost gone out of my way to watch as many of them as I can. You call it an obsession...I call it a disorder; a disorder that I have grown attached to. I can't get enough of them.

     I don't consider myself to be one of those snooty film snobs that disregards a movie because it was filmed within a mile of Hollywood. Instead, I consider myself to be a snooty film snob that loves all movies! I'll watch anything...seriously..any movie. I think Titanic is an underrated film...yeah, you heard me right. I still get teary-eyed whenever I see E.T. nearly as dead as roadkill. Jim Carrey still makes me laugh. I hate M. Night Shyamalan for the crimes he's committed against cinema, just like every other warm-blooded human being. And I think Andy Sorkin is pretentious...just like you all do...even if you aren't ready to admit it yet...you will...in time...


     In my spare time I like to watch movies, read about movies, catch up on the latest news...about movies...check the financial market....about movies...find out what's going down on Friday nights....about movies... I think about movies...I dream about movies...I sleep with movies...okay, maybe that's a little far...who the hell dreams about movies? In short, I'm pretty informed when it comes to movies in general. If I don't know about a movie, I'll usually make it my mission for the next 2 to 5 minutes to find out. I'm only human...I haven't seen every movie...yet. We all have our bucket lists..leave me alone!

     Anyway, like the title says, I rant about movies. This could be anything from a review of a movie I just saw, old or new. A rant about some movie rumor. A discussion on a piece of factual movie news or issues. Or even just a shoot-the-shit style rant about how awesome movies are in general. Oh yeah...I cuss...a lot...get used to it. This is the kind of stuff to expect from me!

     If I didn't scare you off already, I really hope that I can entertain you with my "wonderful insight" in the world of movies. I hope you all stick around because I got so many thoughts about movies jammed in my head...might as well let them explode on here! See you guys very soon!











For you lazy lazy people....
TL;DR: I rant about everything movies. I like movies a lot. Please read me.
You should be ashamed of yourself...